Donnie the Devout
And The Holy Locker Room
Donald John Trump took a page from Napoleon’s play book when he crowned himself King of America. It was a self-determined and -bestowed honor for interfering with traffic control measures in New York city.
Present Problems
Lately, the guy has a crowd size problem. There were more people OUTSIDE protesting Trump 2.0 than INSIDE listening to Demented Donny’s wandering word salad First 100 Days rally speech in Michigan last week. His poll numbers are dropping faster than the crashing stock market indices. Lower courts are barring implementation of illegal aspects of various of his 143 self-serving executive orders.
A Ready Solution
An opportunity exists for remedying these pesky problems.
Donny the Delusional recently named himself the guy in charge not only of America, but also the affairs of the whole globe. Fortune favors the bold.
A Good Fit
The Vatican recently released its 2025 statistics. The global Catholic population increased by 1.15% between 2022 and 2023, rising from approximately 1.39 billion to 1.406 billion. That’s enough butts to fill any venue anywhere anytime quite nicely. The real estate holdings are vast. The income stream is dependable and tax-free.
135 of the Church’s 252 cardinals will be eligible to vote next week for Pope Francis’ successor.
Church politics and the global influence of the Vatican will be in play. Trump has put himself forward as a candidate for the office.
A secret selection process appeals to his mob boss mentality. It’s just another deal ripe for discussion.
He feels he is qualified.
He’s got a 50-50 chance of being elected.
Girls are not allowed to attend, vote, or win.
Anthem
A disputed legend exists about a woman who followed her lover into Church service in the 9th century. She was learned and a talented cross dresser. She rose in the church heirarchy to a place of prominance. She was elected pope. She reigned under the title of John VIII for slightly more than 25 months, from 855 to 858 (between St. Leo IV [847-855] and Benedict III [855-858].) Her gender was discovered when she gave live birth during a procession from St. Peter’s to St. John Lateran. She died shortly thereafter. And not of embarassment or chagrin.
Later processions avoid the spot of delivery. The Vatican removed her from the official list of pontiffs. And created a procedure in the coronation of a new pope that assured acceptable gender. A person elected to be pope was forced to strip from the waist down and sit in a chair with a hole cut in the seat. A physician would confirm the presence of dangling male genitalia. After a successful examination, the examiner would announce to the crowd “Duos habet et bene pendentes! (He has two [testicles] and they dangle nicely.)”
We the People not enchanted with the results and consequences of Election 2024 can breathe a sigh of relief. Donnie the Devout very likely is just kidding about wearing the ring of the fisherman. He has not threatened to invade Italy or annex the Vatican.
While he continues his wrongful and willful Time of Terror and Tour of Revenge between golf games, let us keep Resistance 2.0 alive, sincere, strategic, and effective.
I truly believe that right is might. And that the Project 2025 playbook is wrong in principle and profoundly cruel, callous, and counterproductive in implementation practices.
Resist. Persist. Prevail.
In a world where “only the weak will fail,” let us continue to be strong.
Let us care deeply, constantly, and effectively about life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, equity, and the rule of law in a constitutional democracy.
We cannot, we will not, fail.
The numbers spiked for watching CONCLAVE when the Pope died. The movie failed to show the strip from the waist scene, but the ending suggests they might have missed something.
Trump's declaration of his rise to Pope may take a different path when he attends the funeral and sees for himself 1) He doesn't even get one of the "good seats" up front with world leaders he just pissed off, 2) He wasn't invited into the room to pick a Pope (location, location, location), and 3) All emphasis and unity of the crowd is for the Pope. Trump is nothing more than another person in the crowd coming to this once-in-a-lifetime moment. (250,000 attending the mass and another 150,000 along the motorcade to the funeral mass)